Stop Making Excuses for Stormtroopers

They suck.  Plain and simple. 

For forty years, Star Wars fans have come up with countless theories – from somewhat reasonable to downright whacky – to somehow explain why the stormtroopers routinely miss our favorite good guys when they are shooting high-powered blasters from five feet away.  Two of my favorite theories that are actually plausible are: they missed on purpose (see Tarkin: “This had better work”) and they miss Force users (see Chirrut: “The Force is with me”).

Well, knock it off.  Have you people ever heard of Occam’s Razor?  All things being equal, the simplest answer is probably the correct one: Obi-Wan lied to Luke.

obi1

We’ve racked our brains relentlessly trying to redeem these just plain awful soldiers.  If you want to blame anybody, blame the Imperial boot camp.  But I digress.  We couldn’t come up with a valid solution because we always went into the argument with the assumption that Obi-Wan was telling the truth about stormtroopers being “so precise.”  Unless you’re fake news, you know Obi-Wan is a pathological liar!

No he’s not! you want to say.  I’d love to say that too, but just five minutes before he told Luke that “a young pupil of mine named Darth Vader” had killed his father.  Point of view – yeah, right.  If you believe that, I’ve got some ocean front property on Tatooine I’d love to sell you.

storm4

Old Ben already knew Luke harbored ill feelings towards the Empire and he wanted to use that to his advantage.  At this point Luke still didn’t want to go to Alderaan, so Obi-Wan wanted the Imps to sound as menacing as possible.  That’s why he started telling horror stories about sharpshooting boogeymen.  Of course Luke would want to join the Rebellion after hearing that.

I know you might be upset that the answer was in front of you this whole time and you missed, but fret not; at least you won’t lose anymore sleep over this now.  Obi-Wan, Master of the Force but not necessarily the Truth, lied to Luke.

And stormtroopers suck.

storm3

What do you think?  Think I might actually be on to something?  Well, let me hear what your favorite theory is on this subject.  Please share this story, leave me a comment, and let’s continue this conversation on twitter @starwarschief.  And as always, may the Force be with you!

6 thoughts on “Stop Making Excuses for Stormtroopers

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s